This cookie is used to manage the interaction with the online bots. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. ", 18. Did George Carlin have the best comedy routine on every political "Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. You caused the problem. He missed this one. "I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? "'Bipartisan' usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. Thats right. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. "A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. If you're born in America you get a front row seat. I'm a cowboy who . Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. ", 5. AddThis sets this cookie to track page visits, sources of traffic and share counts. I'm used to dogs. I don't trust none of them. That's about as close as you could get to pegging him as any party affiliation. Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. ", 22. It will not be with jack-boots. Am I right? They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. ' Avoid teams at all costs. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. News about Volusia County Florida (and more) on Twitter: "RT There's only the immediate future and the recent past. The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. 41. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ", 6. This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. ", 21. Everybodys going to save something now. Change), You are commenting using your Twitter account. 'American Dream' documentary examines George Carlin's triumphs - NPR "Don't give your money to the church. "People are wonderful one at a time. Where are these people hiding? They own and control the corporations. PayPal sets this cookie to enable secure transactions through PayPal. Fewer Texans. This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. From Life Is Worth Losing. ", 51. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. You think the schools are the way they are by accident? ", 40. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. You have no right to complain. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and not theyre coming for your Social Security money. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". "Dont just teach your children to read. This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. Set by addthis.com to determine the usage of addthis.com service. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. Some of the data that are collected include the number of visitors, their source, and the pages they visit anonymously. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. Laugh until you gasp for breath. You show a clip of a young Richard Pryor and a young George Carlin on the set together with John Davidson. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked." "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. If a dog can do it, you can watch. No nothing. Everyone Practices Cancel Culture | Opinion, Deplatforming Free Speech is Dangerous | Opinion. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. Everybody complains about politicians. Why? These Politicians Don't Care About You At All The failures of people who supposedly represent the people Photo by Marco Oriolesi on Unsplash When people elect leaders in a democracy, the. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. George Carlin. Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. These George Carlin quotes on life showcase his wit, ingenuity and geniusand, occasionally, his potty mouth, which was part of his signature charm. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes Nobeody seems to care. The people are fucked. George Carlin, Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. "It's never just a game when you're winning. Here is one I would suggest: 'Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was. This cookie is used as a unique identifier for the BlueConic profile. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. "Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. "Men are from. "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. Others see it half empty. "Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. ", 76. After that, they don't wanna know about you. They are irrelevant. They own everything. ", 33. You don't. You have no choice! "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin: Back in Town (1996) - George Carlin as Self - IMDb George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. This cookie is used by PwC to track individual visitors and their use of site. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. You have OWNERS! "I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. ""Deep Throat: Think about it. Answer (1 of 16): He hated mostly all politicians. "You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby . AddThis sets this geolocation cookie to help understand the location of users who share the information. If youre offended by foul language dont watch this f**king video. 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 12 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 5 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 1 hour 16 minutes. This is set on the first visit of the visitor to the site and updated on subsequent visits. And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit. He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. AWSALB is an application load balancer cookie set by Amazon Web Services to map the session to the target. ", 58. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. ", 118. "I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to. the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big, red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day., This video is completely devastating for Trump. ", 98. The uuid2 cookie is set by AppNexus and records information that helps in differentiating between devices and browsers. Associated with Amazon Web Services and created by Elastic Load Balancing, AWSELB cookie is used to manage sticky sessions across production servers. Term limits aint going to do any good; youre just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. "Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers? "Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' By the way, its the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. Carlin's rueful 1996 routine about conservatives' opposition to abortion ("they will do anything for the unborn, but once you're born, you're on your own") became a newly viral phenomenon and. They don't want to hear from you . You will be notified via email when a new post is published. The sp_landing is set by Spotify to implement audio content from Spotify on the website and also registers information on user interaction related to the audio content. That doesnt help them. What do you get at the end of it? This cookie is used for DNS Prefetch and HTTP2 Push. I think. George Carlin. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town , the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt. ", 9. ", 61. I don't always agree with everything he says, but I always listen Given the nature of our current Administration, I thought it timely to revisit what George said years ago (Back In Town HBO Special, 1996 . ", 60. George Carlin "Forget the Politicians" and tells it like it is You have no choice. - George Carlin. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. RLCDN sets this cookie to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. "Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f**k.", 71. "People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. "I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. This cookie is set by Akamai. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. 'Punching down,' the political weapon of so-called tough guys George Carlin's Wise Words On Politicians Contents 1 Quotes 1.1 FM & AM (1972) They want your fuckin retirement money. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. George Carlin - It's A BIG Club & You Ain't In It! - YouTube You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. They own everything.. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. "The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. ", 121. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! Germany lost the Second World War. G eorge Carlin was ahead of his time. At all. ", 38. ", 25. ", 92. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". "You show me a lazy p***k who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to p**s, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. Good honest hard-working people white collar, blue collar, it doesnt matter what color shirt you have on. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing. They've got the judges in their back pockets. Now one of his most famous routines has swept the internet a dozen years after his death. They dont want that. "I don't have pet peeves. The rights and the rights of property. ", 2. Carlin was at his best talking about America's broken political system, summing up the anger, resentment and frustration felt by much of the population who knew something was wrong but could not express it. #AmericaWakeUp. Part of HuffPost Entertainment. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. He was a regular on the "Ed Sullivan Show," but in the 1970s he became much better known for his irreverent . After that, they dont wanna know about you. You don't. You have no choice. The Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes Revised and Updated ( PDFDrive Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. On Election Day, I stay home. ", 10. 11 Profound Quotes on Politics by George Carlin George Carlin on the American Dream (with transcript) George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. George Carlin Shitting on Government for 8 Minutes Straight ", 79. ", 41. If you think too much, you will be left behind by everyone. Carlin also said conservatives claim theyll do anything for the unborn. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.". ""The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. '", 78. YouTube sets this cookie via embedded youtube-videos and registers anonymous statistical data. "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence? George Carlin, If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? Facebook sets this cookie to show relevant advertisements to users by tracking user behaviour across the web, on sites that have Facebook pixel or Facebook social plugin. And if somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. This problem can be solved by pre-school children in 5-10 minutes. George Carlin Quotes On . The _omappvp cookie is set to distinguish new and returning users and is used in conjunction with _omappvs cookie. They believe a womans primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state.. George Carlin's Funniest Political Quotes - LiveAbout Politics Notify me about new: Board Topics. ", 124. Ice Cube added the brief caption, "Facts.". Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. "Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice? "When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. Yeah, the public sucks. That doesnt help them. ", 72. "Would a fly without wings be called a walk? I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. 234. and if you want to make this about "comedy" then Carlin should tell these things called "jokes". "Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Its a big club and you aint in it. "I don't believe anything the government tells me.". 02. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Hes all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just cant handle money! George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dreambecause you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly. George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. His entire bit is included in the nearly two-minute video perfectly conjoined with photos of Trump and the results of his administration flood the screen. Quote by George Carlin: "Forget the politicians. The politicians are She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. "How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? "I have lots of ideas. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. ''It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. The session information includes the identity of the user, recently visited links and the duration of inactivity. "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. ""George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. No president has done right by us. They dont care about you at all. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet George Carlin: Complaints & Grievances (2001) - IMDb Being woke, leading the charge in cancel culture, fighting censorship, and supporting those who are vulnerable and don't have a voice. And they all vote. George Carlin : And I'll guarantee you one thing: you start executing, you start nailing one white banker per week to a big wooden cross on national TV, you're gonna see that drug traffic begin to slow down pretty fucking quick. They don't want to hear from you. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court. ", 102. The dmvk cookie is set by Dailymotion to record data of visitor behaviour on the website. . Angie Kent - Latest news, updates, gossip, photos and video | Daily You have owners. "One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, "Back In Town," Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: "Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. It was during the waning of the Nixon years, where confidence in government was beginning its slide down to the Stygian depths where it rests today; the Vietnam War, and racial unrest, continued to rage on. The challenge is to find it. George Carlin, What if there were no hypothetical questions? George Carlin, The planet is fine. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote Lijit Advertising Platform sets this cookie temporarily, when multiple partners pass their IDs to the platform simultaneously. Next, honor thy father and mother. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. They own everything" "They've. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.