A thief stuck a pistol in the man's ribs and said: "Give me your money.". 121. Where do elephants store their clothes? 49. What do cows most like to read? 189. When should you take a plum to dinner? What happened when the computer fell on the floor? 24 Why do rednecks like having sex doggy style? ", During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then? I will never forget some of these, and you better believe my friends are hearing them. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. He had an eye-saur. He pasta-way. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? You will have to leave two behind.. The taste, mostly. 85. Theyre buoy-ant. 3. What did the snail who was riding on the turtle's back say? I would have thought that it was very weird had I not realized that it was the singer Adele. What did the right eye say to the left eye? Fo drizzle. Friends buy you lunch. 184. 91. You mustang out with me. 194. Why cant a bicycle stand on its own? Why do hurricanes wear a monocle to see? Because it scares their dogs. An impasta. 2. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. What do skateboarders do when theyre really talented? How do you measure a snake? What doesnt get any wetter no matter how much it rains? He ate the pizza before it was cool. It needed a root canal. 55 Funniest Jokes So Silly They'll Brighten Your Day Best Life 3 What do lawyers wear to court? Everything else is irrelephant. My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. The vendor takes the money and begins helping the next customer. Theres nothing worth crapping on. 182. When does Friday come before Thursday? A dinosaur was in a car accident. Why cant male ants sink? 100 Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Morbid and Funny - Parade There is a skeleton in our neighborhood who always knows that something bad might happen way before it actually happens. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! Sounds great, said the health-conscious boy. A nervous wreck. They spray the rabbit with the bottle, and it comes back to life. 75 Short Jokes to Make Anyone Laugh | Reader's Digest Canada The rabbit says, "I believe that I am a type o.". Aloha. The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away. What type of sandals do frogs wear? You spend so much time on the course. ", Kid going to his first day of school, he looks worried, his dad asks him, "What's wrong? Liked these funny redneck jokes? I like elephants. - The wheels, because they are always tired. Theyre always up to something. 108. 254. "I work for the 3M company! A chicken sees a salad. ", A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second? One dragon goes, "Ooh, it's a bit hot in here." The other responds, "Well close your mouth then." 37. Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. What do you call a dinosaur that asks a lot of deep questions? "A nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! What do you call a wrestler who always comes in second place? 109. So they dont peel. Why did the computer get glasses? When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look? 167. Watching a fish bowl. My friend once called a few house painters to his house for some work. The genie grants her wish.I want to go home, too, says the second friend. 227. Why are hairdressers never late for work? 177. It was a vicious cycle. People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Here, the Dean said, I will give you an example, do you own a weed Wacker?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_7',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. While they were playing in their fort, one of the boys accidentally stepped in the redneck cousins finger. We love laffy taffy jokes! ", A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. 195. You could probably get a good price for your clubs. Someone glued my deck of cards together. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. Between us, something smells. A gents! Quick Lesson. A terminal illness. There was de-Brie everywhere. Turned out that it was a ghost panda and it only ate bam-booooo! Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Jokes - Funny Jokes, Dad Jokes & More | Reader's Digest Mother's Day. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.I want to go home, says the first friend. 299. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. 190. What kind of ghost has the best hearing? He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year.". 92. Same middle name. 209. "The other two continue to swim in silence for a little while, until the first one turns to the other and asks, "What the hell is water? Funny. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. 1 What did the pirate say when he turned 80? 164. Help, Ive fallen and I cant giddy up. Because its pointless. A four-chin teller. Whats the best way to woo a math teacher? What washes up on very small beaches? Take it to the doc already. The man called out to the farmer, "How long will it take me to get to the next town? My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing.I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Whats red and moves up and down? A facepalm. Minnesota (as in, mini-soda). You could probably get a good price for your clubs. Book-worms! The bartender is extremely busy and looks tired. His father comforts him by saying: Now, now. And then what happened? the officer interrupted. How many times can you subtract 10 from 100? Which bus never drove on any street? Once. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. 152. Why are pirates called pirates? A fence. "His astonished mother exclaimed, "Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. Any dog, because buildings cant jump. "The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." By the bark. After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. I got help for my ATM addiction, but went through withdrawals first. Kick off the year with a laugh (or two) by telling these hilarious New Year's jokes. ", Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? The mooooo-vies! 128. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. You look drunk. When the father asked the boy after dinner why he had asked such a question, he replied, "Papa, I think worms taste okay because there was one in your noodles. Why did the drum take a nap? A Mars bar. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? 202. Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. A Husband and Wife at Custody court. ", My boss was honest with me today. 147. He was not happy with his life, he was not happy with the job he was doing. What do horses say when they fall? A tomato in an elevator. 204. he shouted. What is the strongest animal in the sea? I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!, the officer said.I did, the man replied. Seeing the historians alarmed, the mummy said that he just wanted to listen to some music. Guac and roll! All of the fans left. Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance. 50 Hilarious Clean Jokes That Will Make You Laugh At Any Age Nobody knows. Whats orange and sounds like a carrot? 228. Dreadlock Jokes - ThemeLower 110. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container. These catchy Valentine phrases paired with candy, a small toy 500+ Hilarious Jokes for Kids {Kid Approved}, Easy DIY Face Mask Pattern | FREE Printable, 10+ Free Cute Girl Coloring Pages for Kids of All Ages. My cousin replied, "Absolutely not! Throw him in the mainstream. Look at the size of that bird, Paw! she exclaims. To sing, Hello from the other side! Why did the orange stop? Market research. Just lock him up in a gulag somewhere & accidentally on purpose lose the key to his holding cell. 125 Funny Jokes For Kids - today.com The neighbour says, "Well actually the seat belongs to me. You will be able to keep friends and family laughing with this long list of the best jokes! Because their capital is always Dublin. Not Happy. Why did the alien go to the doctor? He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Dad smacks the little boy and admonishes him for swearing and sends him back into his room. Apparently, the snowmen want more sugar than corn flakes can provide. Excited, Jim goes back to Bob and says: I will be taking 4 classes: English, Math, Science, and Logic., Logic? Bob said, What the heck is that?.