Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. Stop playing with me., 6. What do computers eat for a snack? If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. 1. 265. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Life is becoming easier and less serious. Because they make up everything. 151. Im gonna be worse., 12. 171. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations to Get Through Your Shitty Day 116. 161. I will go out. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. - Unknown. Enjoy! 201. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 148. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. 226. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Flip Wilson, 263. 65 Funny Positive Affirmations That Work For Everyone - ThediaryforLife My mistakes dont define me. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. 224. 23. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. Just like every Monday does on Earth. 166. Don't forget to be awesome. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. 121. Positive mindset affirmations. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 170. 9. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. 215. 124. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. 35. 23. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. Im like a postage stamp. 211. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. 136. I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . 1. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. We need to hear a pin drop. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. I believe in what's possible for me. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. I wish my wallet came with free refills. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 3. 246. 3. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. 81. 72. 1. Swimming trunks. The best things in life are free. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 205. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. 211. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. 241. 61. Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before. Albert King. 21. 88. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. 215. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. 149. Stuart Turner We need to hear a pin drop. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. 2. 156. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. My mind is becoming much sharper. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 230. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. Those who snore always fall asleep first. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Youre talking to yourself. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. I thought you said extra fries. Jackie Collins, 240. Exercise? "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". 19. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. 28. 39. Im describing you. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 68. 33 Humorous Affirmations [The Best Ones] 25. I overcome fears by following my dreams. 1. Its okay if people dont like me. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. My body deserves love. 279. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Short Positive Daily Affirmations. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. Have a look! Today, I look at my goals. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 82. What is Mozart doing right now? Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Short Positive Affirmations - 110 Powerful Affirmations - Mindbless Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. New year, new me. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. Socrates. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. If only common sense were more common. 8. 85 Funny Wednesday Quotes, Sayings, Pics, and Images - The Random Vibez Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. 242. I am on a seafood diet. 234. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. 195. 221. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. 184. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. Swimming trunks. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. 206. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter (2023) Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. I am so f*cking awesome. 118. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. 16. I thought you said extra fries. 271. 5. 66. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. Breasts dont have eyes. 174. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Charles M. Schulz. Never judge a book by its movie. Sincerely, yourself. 28. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. 18. Steven Alexander Wright Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. "If you see me talking to myself. Not me, but somebody does. 165. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 19 Positive Affirmations That'll Change the Way You Think What is the tallest building in the entire world? 197. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! Your actions become your habits. 10. Your words become your actions. A backbone. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? I release all shame about my body. If only common sense were more common. 76. All you need is love. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. 121. It's OK to take a break. Need to send some positive energy your way? "We . I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. 123. 99 Positive Morning Affirmations You Can Use Daily 116. 4. I train my body. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. happy. I tell you what always catches my eye. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 27. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. 39 funny positive affirmations. Ben Hogan. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. Life always offers you a second chance. Groucho Marx. 1. I breathe in and out. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 43. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. 20 Funny Positive Affirmations for Self-Esteem Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. It gets toad away. Alright, get in the basket. I am grateful for that time. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] 243. Oh sheet!. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 67. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. 71. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. We have a connection. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 102. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. 119 Positive Affirmations For Women To Use Daily - Live Bold and Bloom 2. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. Not everyone has to like me. 157. 110. Because he was always spotted. 90. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. It has nothing new to tell you. 100 Positive Affirmations for Kids (and Why They're so Important) 147. You can only be young once. But then again so does . 40 Positive Affirmations to Repeat for Success and Happiness - Oprah Daily 177. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. 196. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. 257. 52. 231. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. Wilson Mizner Funny Affirmation Quotes - ShortQuotes.cc Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Some when they enter, others when they leave. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. I am lazy till I get a motive. - Christopher Reeve. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. Envelope. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 218. 135. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. 122. Ann Landers 142. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. 237. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. I can always think of something funny to say. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. 277. How do trees access the internet? However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 147. 4. My cankles will hold me. I make a difference by showing up fully. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! 258+ Funny & Happy Friday Quotes To Explode Your Energy Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. Edward A. Murphy. 269. You were too lazy to read that number. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. 35. 71. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Nothing, they just waved. - George Burns. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Why is England the wettest country? 128. 139. 84. No, but April may. 144. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. Learn sign language, its very handy. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. health is important. Short people with an umbrella. Edward A. Murphy Your email address will not be published. 272. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Art doesnt transform. 3. Why did the school kids eat their homework? You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. 218. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. Not me, but somebody does. Top 75 Funny Daily Affirmations | Committed To Myself The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 250. 6. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. 75 Powerful Affirmations for Self-Love - Fun Loving Families I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. I accept my body the way it is today. 212. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. You have to go after it with a club. 2. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. 150. ". 221. 67. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. 66. Let me know in the comments section down below! You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. 248. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Send me the link. Roy Lichtenstein. How do you count cows? I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. I nourish my body every day. I am intelligent. I'm a peli-can! Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. My mom scolds me for no reason. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. 31. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15.
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